20 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don t use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance , Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity.......Share..To Make Them Smile.

12 major firsts in every woman’s life

1. Losing your virginity, of course. But even bigger: your first orgasm with someone else in the bed.
2. The first time you get on a plane because someone far away needs you.
3. The first time you realize that you don’t have to plead, make a scene or even have a good reason—you can just say no.
4. The day you find and use your personal Tear Suppression Device at work.
5. The first time you step on the scale and think: fine.
6. The first time you scare the bejeezus out of yourself (Everest, anyone?) and love it.
7. Your first public-speaking triumph. (Yes, it will happen someday!)
8. The first time you take your sweetheart home to meet your parents…
9. …and have silent sex in your old room.
10. Crossing the finish line of your first marathon—the running kind, the work kind or the emotional kind.
11. The first time you turn on your heel and walk away from a bad-for-you thing.
12. The first time you realize there’s someone you would walk into a burning building to save.