Ok, kids. Listen up. Here's today's life lesson: The more you can say "I love me", the easier it is to say "I love you". That is, the more you are able to love yourself, the more effortless everything from a first date to the ever famous "I do" becomes.
These days, it seems like all the advice is geared towards "how to get the guy", "what the rules of [the game] are", and so on and so forth. A little enhancement of our social common sense doesn't hurt, but why does finding our soulmate need to be our focus? This advice of focusing on yourself that I am now giving is nothing new; we have heard it many times before in different ways, "no one will like you if you don't like yourself", etc. It seems like the advice we're usually given sounds so vague, and even worse, there are also many mixed messages. "Why is such a pretty girl like you single? When are you getting married?" etc. Focusing on finding a partner will not, alas, help you find a partner.
So, what do you do? Find yourself. And how may you do that? Of course, there are a million and one ways of being happier with who you are, boosting your self esteem, etc., but I'll take a crack at it from my own recent experience. You know that thing that you've always wanted to do but have never dared to try? Well, now is a great time. Shell the extra cash for a few sessions with a personal trainer, join the Book Club at work, buy a French cooking book and try out some recipes, learn how to play the guitar, etc. No one expects you to be an athele or a chef, but try different things that you may just end up enjoying.
Next: goals. What are yours? Define them. Break them down. Do a small step. Make a phone call. There is no harm in finding out when the portuguese classes are offered. Or maybe you want to get your Master's? Talk to people that already have done it and ask how they did it. Not a saver but would love to buy a house? Buy Personal Finance for Dummies and start putting away 10 dollars a week. Every bit counts.
Finally, treat yourself as you would someone else. Willing to stay late at work to explain to your co worker the new contract? Willing to drive at 10pm to save your stranded friend? Could spend hours researching something online for your boyfriend's article? Do the same for yourself. (Oh, by the way, all this stuff actually still applies even if you're currently commited!)
Treat yourself well. Learn to be assertive and say no. Know that, sometimes, you does actually come first. Think of what you want. There will be moments when even an inner bitch will be useful. Most of all, recognize the qualities you have and the small moments of success. Well deserved indeed!
alice -
Wednesday, August 04, 2010
Positive Attitude
Do you see the glass as half empty or half full? Maybe you look at yourself as a realist. This is just a pessimist’s way of blaming his or her misery on his or her surroundings. Reality is both good and bad – saying that something is bad even if it is, is still a pessimist’s view! You can’t change reality but what you can change is your outlook. This can only be positive, negative or indifferent.
A negative attitude creates negative things, lowers moral in you and the people around you, lowers self-esteem, and it doesn’t give off a good impression of you.
I try very hard to have a positive outlook because I believe it makes you happier and increases your personal motivation, therefore increasing your productivity and self-esteem. This in turn makes people look upon you favourably.
Don’t confuse this with positive thinking, the law of attraction or other pseudo science. You’re not changing things with your mind, you’re physically affecting the immediate world around you with your attitude. Look at how a simple smile can change the feelings of everyone in a room. It’s a simple psychological effect, not rearranging the universe, as some people would have you believe.
It may take hard effort and strength of mind to attain a positive attitude if you’re not used to it, but it is one of the most important things you can do. "
A negative attitude creates negative things, lowers moral in you and the people around you, lowers self-esteem, and it doesn’t give off a good impression of you.
I try very hard to have a positive outlook because I believe it makes you happier and increases your personal motivation, therefore increasing your productivity and self-esteem. This in turn makes people look upon you favourably.
Don’t confuse this with positive thinking, the law of attraction or other pseudo science. You’re not changing things with your mind, you’re physically affecting the immediate world around you with your attitude. Look at how a simple smile can change the feelings of everyone in a room. It’s a simple psychological effect, not rearranging the universe, as some people would have you believe.
It may take hard effort and strength of mind to attain a positive attitude if you’re not used to it, but it is one of the most important things you can do. "
Friday, July 30, 2010
viceversa
Tengo miedo de verte
necesidad de verte
esperanza de verte
desazones de verte
tengo ganas de hallarte
preocupación de hallarte
certidumbre de hallarte
pobres dudas de hallarte
tengo urgencia de oírte
alegría de oírte
buena suerte de oírte
y temores de oírte
o sea
resumiendo
estoy jodido
y radiante
quizá más lo primero
que lo segundo
y también
viceversa.
—-Marío Benedetti.
necesidad de verte
esperanza de verte
desazones de verte
tengo ganas de hallarte
preocupación de hallarte
certidumbre de hallarte
pobres dudas de hallarte
tengo urgencia de oírte
alegría de oírte
buena suerte de oírte
y temores de oírte
o sea
resumiendo
estoy jodido
y radiante
quizá más lo primero
que lo segundo
y también
viceversa.
—-Marío Benedetti.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
“ Everyone of us is losing something precious to us. Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again. That’s part of what it means to be alive. But inside our heads—at least that’s where I imagine it—there’s a little room where we store those memories. A room like the stacks in this library. And to understand the workings of our own heart we have to keep on making new reference cards. We have to dust things off every once in a while, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases. In other words, you’ll live forever in your own little private library. ”
Monday, May 31, 2010
it will all depend
I’m not sure if it’s a function of advancing age or just the times we’re living in, but it’s almost impossible for me to find complete external validation in any one thought, desire, instinct or vision anymore.
Who do you want to be exactly like? Is there anybody in this world who’s laid down a template for your dreams and goals that you’d copy and paste over your own life’s story? Maybe you want to go to a music college as I did when I decided to attend Berklee College of Music in Boston. Start asking some alums whether it’s worth it and you’ll get two distinct answers. One half of the control group will tell you it’s not worth it, that you might as well just start a band and hit the road. The other half will tell you that it was the flash point for their music career and that without it they’d be nowhere. The answer depends on the experience had by each person you talk to. Maybe the “Nos” spent their semesters curled up in a ball fighting with their boyfriend or girlfriend on the phone and never applied themselves to making the most of the time there. You’ll never find the answer you want, just information with which to build your own idea and chart your own course.
Take your favorite artist, the one you look up to and see as the perfect specimen of talent, values, output, whatever the case may be - and someone else has a reason why they’re not worth even a passing glance. Is “Bob Dylan: Don’t Look Back” the documentary of a genius iconoclast or was he a self absorbed pseudo-intellectual bully? It depends on who you ask. Is Jay-Z the reigning king of hip hop or is he “all business” now? It depends on who you ask. I bring up both names because if you ask me, I put them at the top of my list of people who can do very little if no wrong at all, but it won’t take long to read someone’s opposing point of view. If you’re not sure of what you love, that means you can be talked out of it, and that’s a slippery slope.
Is your boyfriend cute? Was Hurt Locker the best movie of the year? Are you going to go out in those shoes? Should you take the promotion and move to Boston? Did I wear “Hammer” pants on stage in Houston or is Rick Owens a visionary clothing designer?
It all depends on who you ask.
Which is a pretty great reason to stop asking all together. Nobody’s life template will ever lay evenly over yours. And in those times when they clash completely, you have to walk alone, with confidence that you’re creating your own template, made out of your own instincts and your own dreams and your own goals. And if you do it long enough, maybe someone someday will look to yours as the life to model theirs after. Of course, some people won’t agree with them. It will all depend on who they ask.
John Mayer
Who do you want to be exactly like? Is there anybody in this world who’s laid down a template for your dreams and goals that you’d copy and paste over your own life’s story? Maybe you want to go to a music college as I did when I decided to attend Berklee College of Music in Boston. Start asking some alums whether it’s worth it and you’ll get two distinct answers. One half of the control group will tell you it’s not worth it, that you might as well just start a band and hit the road. The other half will tell you that it was the flash point for their music career and that without it they’d be nowhere. The answer depends on the experience had by each person you talk to. Maybe the “Nos” spent their semesters curled up in a ball fighting with their boyfriend or girlfriend on the phone and never applied themselves to making the most of the time there. You’ll never find the answer you want, just information with which to build your own idea and chart your own course.
Take your favorite artist, the one you look up to and see as the perfect specimen of talent, values, output, whatever the case may be - and someone else has a reason why they’re not worth even a passing glance. Is “Bob Dylan: Don’t Look Back” the documentary of a genius iconoclast or was he a self absorbed pseudo-intellectual bully? It depends on who you ask. Is Jay-Z the reigning king of hip hop or is he “all business” now? It depends on who you ask. I bring up both names because if you ask me, I put them at the top of my list of people who can do very little if no wrong at all, but it won’t take long to read someone’s opposing point of view. If you’re not sure of what you love, that means you can be talked out of it, and that’s a slippery slope.
Is your boyfriend cute? Was Hurt Locker the best movie of the year? Are you going to go out in those shoes? Should you take the promotion and move to Boston? Did I wear “Hammer” pants on stage in Houston or is Rick Owens a visionary clothing designer?
It all depends on who you ask.
Which is a pretty great reason to stop asking all together. Nobody’s life template will ever lay evenly over yours. And in those times when they clash completely, you have to walk alone, with confidence that you’re creating your own template, made out of your own instincts and your own dreams and your own goals. And if you do it long enough, maybe someone someday will look to yours as the life to model theirs after. Of course, some people won’t agree with them. It will all depend on who they ask.
John Mayer
Friday, March 05, 2010
Basta
BASTA es BASTA y hay una sola manera de decirlo: Diciendo BASTA!
BASTA no se dice de mandera indirecta, ni con gestos, ni con silencios, se dice de una sola vez, sin explicaciones, ni justificaciones.
BASTA no se dice bajando la cabeza , ni llorando, se dice con entonacion firme, pero sin gritar. Es un BASTA para el otro, porque ya fue un BASTA para uno mismo y no puede dejar de ser y en ese momento. No se dice de rodillas, porque es un acto de dignidad. Es un BASTA que surge de la necesidad de libertad, de ser dueno de las propias decisiones. Decir BASTA no es olvidarse del pasado es una correcion del presente pensando en el futuro y solo quien sabe decir BASTA puede decir de AHORA EN MAS !
.-Anonimo
BASTA no se dice de mandera indirecta, ni con gestos, ni con silencios, se dice de una sola vez, sin explicaciones, ni justificaciones.
BASTA no se dice bajando la cabeza , ni llorando, se dice con entonacion firme, pero sin gritar. Es un BASTA para el otro, porque ya fue un BASTA para uno mismo y no puede dejar de ser y en ese momento. No se dice de rodillas, porque es un acto de dignidad. Es un BASTA que surge de la necesidad de libertad, de ser dueno de las propias decisiones. Decir BASTA no es olvidarse del pasado es una correcion del presente pensando en el futuro y solo quien sabe decir BASTA puede decir de AHORA EN MAS !
.-Anonimo
Monday, January 11, 2010
2010.- my wish for you
May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness.
I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art—write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can; and I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.
Neil Gaiman
I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art—write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can; and I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.
Neil Gaiman
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)