the (real) truth

Ok, kids. Listen up. Here's today's life lesson: The more you can say "I love me", the easier it is to say "I love you". That is, the more you are able to love yourself, the more effortless everything from a first date to the ever famous "I do" becomes.

These days, it seems like all the advice is geared towards "how to get the guy", "what the rules of [the game] are", and so on and so forth. A little enhancement of our social common sense doesn't hurt, but why does finding our soulmate need to be our focus? This advice of focusing on yourself that I am now giving is nothing new; we have heard it many times before in different ways, "no one will like you if you don't like yourself", etc. It seems like the advice we're usually given sounds so vague, and even worse, there are also many mixed messages. "Why is such a pretty girl like you single? When are you getting married?" etc. Focusing on finding a partner will not, alas, help you find a partner.

So, what do you do? Find yourself. And how may you do that? Of course, there are a million and one ways of being happier with who you are, boosting your self esteem, etc., but I'll take a crack at it from my own recent experience. You know that thing that you've always wanted to do but have never dared to try? Well, now is a great time. Shell the extra cash for a few sessions with a personal trainer, join the Book Club at work, buy a French cooking book and try out some recipes, learn how to play the guitar, etc. No one expects you to be an athele or a chef, but try different things that you may just end up enjoying.

Next: goals. What are yours? Define them. Break them down. Do a small step. Make a phone call. There is no harm in finding out when the portuguese classes are offered. Or maybe you want to get your Master's? Talk to people that already have done it and ask how they did it. Not a saver but would love to buy a house? Buy Personal Finance for Dummies and start putting away 10 dollars a week. Every bit counts.

Finally, treat yourself as you would someone else. Willing to stay late at work to explain to your co worker the new contract? Willing to drive at 10pm to save your stranded friend? Could spend hours researching something online for your boyfriend's article? Do the same for yourself. (Oh, by the way, all this stuff actually still applies even if you're currently commited!)

Treat yourself well. Learn to be assertive and say no. Know that, sometimes, you does actually come first. Think of what you want. There will be moments when even an inner bitch will be useful. Most of all, recognize the qualities you have and the small moments of success. Well deserved indeed!

alice -

Positive Attitude

Do you see the glass as half empty or half full? Maybe you look at yourself as a realist. This is just a pessimist’s way of blaming his or her misery on his or her surroundings. Reality is both good and bad – saying that something is bad even if it is, is still a pessimist’s view! You can’t change reality but what you can change is your outlook. This can only be positive, negative or indifferent.

A negative attitude creates negative things, lowers moral in you and the people around you, lowers self-esteem, and it doesn’t give off a good impression of you.

I try very hard to have a positive outlook because I believe it makes you happier and increases your personal motivation, therefore increasing your productivity and self-esteem. This in turn makes people look upon you favourably.

Don’t confuse this with positive thinking, the law of attraction or other pseudo science. You’re not changing things with your mind, you’re physically affecting the immediate world around you with your attitude. Look at how a simple smile can change the feelings of everyone in a room. It’s a simple psychological effect, not rearranging the universe, as some people would have you believe.

It may take hard effort and strength of mind to attain a positive attitude if you’re not used to it, but it is one of the most important things you can do. "